ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
