They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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