Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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