There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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