to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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