did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
