you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
