Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
