you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
