No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
