considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
