Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
