Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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