and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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