i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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