so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
