I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
