Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
