She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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