thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
