I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
