Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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