I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
