I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
