you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Randomize
