U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
