i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
nutella sex= disaster
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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