I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
