You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize