he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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