i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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