So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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