I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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