Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
