That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
