I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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