im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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