I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
