Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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