I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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