we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So many bounce houses so little time
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
