Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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