On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
