Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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