I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
