U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
