you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
