people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
