we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
