apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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