I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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