I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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