Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
