He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
