so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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