He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
