he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
