I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize