oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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