I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
