that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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