just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
