There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize