iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
