i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
