you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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