Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
