I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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