my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize