your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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