Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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