Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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