just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
